need to forgive

like a circle
spinning unseen to human eyes
my life turns
the same pattern
all people thinking
same petty desires
sometimes i just need to be left alone
so i can feed on my mistrust and disgrace
my dark corner all to myself
my weaknesses bruised and scratched
words spitting in my heart
all the words that tear me at the seams
all so overrated
wake up!
dust off the rust
I fade to darkness
like a phantom
like a drug you can't shrug off
cold and snowy
time flows mercilessly
as a myth and as a curse
pretty little lines in the corners of my stare
from all the crying and the laughing
vane, vane is the bane of mankind
i see the need for punishment
the need to die
the need to hurt
so as to forget one's uselessness
in making dreams come true,
never trust in fairy tales
it's the same why bothering me all over again
why nothing plays out right
why i love red
why is it so hard to understand
that heart and flesh are at war
like sea and land, life and death
why i can't forget what i have seen
and heard and been

i need to forgive me