iertare de mine

precum un cerc
invartindu-se, invizibil pentru ochiul uman
viata mea se roteste
pe acelasi tipar
toti oamenii jinduind
aceleasi dorinte murdare
cateodata cer singuratate
ca sa ma hranesc cu disgratia si neincrederea-mi
in coltisorul intunecat si numai al meu
slabiciunile-mi invinetite si zgariate
cuvinte scuipate pe inima
toate cuvintele care-mi desfac cusaturile
toate atat de supra-apreciate
trezeste-te!
sterge rugina...
ma pierd in intunecare
precum o fantoma
ca un drog pe care nu-l poti dezbraca
rece si inzapezit
timpul curge nemilos
in liniile fine ale privirii preapline
nascute intru ras si plans
desertaciune, desertaciune zace-n blestemul omenirii
si simt necesitatea razbunarii
nevoia de-a muri
nevoia de-a durea
ca sa ne-uitam neputinta
de a incarna visele in realitate
nu te-ncrede in povesti frumoase
caci acelasi de ce me obsedeaza inc-o data
de ce nimic nu are vreo finalitate
de ce e-atat de greu de inteles
ca inima si carnea se razboiesc mereu
cum marea sparge tarmul, si moartea-ncheie viata
de ce nu pot uita nimic
din ce-am trait si-am auzit


nevoia de iertare de sine

need to forgive

like a circle
spinning unseen to human eyes
my life turns
the same pattern
all people thinking
same petty desires
sometimes i just need to be left alone
so i can feed on my mistrust and disgrace
my dark corner all to myself
my weaknesses bruised and scratched
words spitting in my heart
all the words that tear me at the seams
all so overrated
wake up!
dust off the rust
I fade to darkness
like a phantom
like a drug you can't shrug off
cold and snowy
time flows mercilessly
as a myth and as a curse
pretty little lines in the corners of my stare
from all the crying and the laughing
vane, vane is the bane of mankind
i see the need for punishment
the need to die
the need to hurt
so as to forget one's uselessness
in making dreams come true,
never trust in fairy tales
it's the same why bothering me all over again
why nothing plays out right
why i love red
why is it so hard to understand
that heart and flesh are at war
like sea and land, life and death
why i can't forget what i have seen
and heard and been

i need to forgive me 

my mother's cradle

tic-tac
left and right
you must've cradled me in your arms
today you're nowhere to be found
yesterday you were pushing me to the ground
no fly me to the moon's
blood in your spilled milk
i compromise
and close my eyes
burning I feel my heart
but the warmth is gone
so cold your voice
i steal my homes
from happier new-borns
i used to believe
no place for me
figured out your world's too poor
my voice too soft
your smile holly grail
never here, never there

all that black and white
turned to new found color, cosmic light
drunk myself to life too many times
i'm a bitch, i'm a crow, i'm the baby
in the cradle grown
lullabies you sang to me
I remember somewhere deep
but today, you're just another saint
painted figure on my wall
a number in my mobile phone
someone not so real, not so pale
you're the phantom holding me
in all past cradled dreams

I felt lost and somewhat I died
old and frozen dish, stale bread on the side
laughing with that old man hiding on the moon
God's not your trademark mum
the rights you give yourself are not your own
all the times you pushed me to the grave
I resurrected as a Lazarus rewind
and you're so blind you can't see me
stop projecting all your pain like a blinded bee
you sting so hard and oh so deep
I've no more healthy skin to blister and to heal

my mother's cradle
was never here and now it's gone
you betrayed my love, my trust and my resolve
hit me still, if that you must
yet keep in mind my sightless mother-soul
that all you take is forever stolen and lost
you can't fulfill royalty dreams without my consent
there will be a day you'll need me
and a day I'd wish to be there
but I will be so distant, whole and fair
from running far away
no prayers, no tears, no lies will bring me back again

i remember

I remember everything
even all that you pretend to have forgotten
i'm no longer an experiment
my flesh and blood on your hands
so grasp this idea
the pull of my love is real
i fight for every lock of hair
you want to cut
i don't care about your life
as long as you leave mine alone
just do your work
and I'll do mine
better than you ever would
it's not the way you said it should be
and all the lies you keep unspoken
that burn so high in your pitched voice
just flow on my face like rain ...
i am no longer somebody's pretty daughter
i am the women meant to become
somebody real
not just a figurine for you to crush
my crimes are mine to bear
my songs are mine to spare
my war needs no false friends

I remember
everything
look for me when you have real words to utter
when you cry in pain for your mistakes
when you're alone and need me once again
i may forgive but i will never forget

antimatter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4esMz0ngpLA

past midnight

so it's 2 a.m.
actually past that
kiss on your cheek,
you frown in your sleep
we fought before you fell
and now i feel bad about it
you see
can't focus on work
and even though i'm still mad
i control my raging shit
and frown at myself
cause all i want right now
is a you kissing me back
and finishing in time
to sleep in your arms
so...i know you read my mind
i whisper but not out loud
that i love you dear
hope you dream
cause you see, i can't stop breathing you
and my earphones don't really work
and even if the whole damn thing
ain't finished on time
your face is all i need every day
and night of my life

esti o o fufa, tu!

deci, daca te trezesti dimineata cu 3 ore mai devreme numai ca sa-ti intinzi parul, ai fa o mare problema: esti o fufa,tu! daca dupa ce termini cu toate cele trei straturi de fond de ten cu 2 nuante mai inchis decat tenul tau natural (asa,mai portocaliu, sa pari bronzata, adica scuze, trendy,tu!) te intalnesti cu gagiul ala care fute bine, nu, nu ma refer la prietenul tau, ala stiu ca are mai multi bani, fa! ,si ca nu te incanta la capitolul sex, esti o fufa, tu! daca, asa, ca hobby, te ocupi cu video-chat sau esti o hostess foarte hot, esti o fufa, tu! si daca pe langa toate astea mai gasesti timp sa te duci la faculta' sa-i suji sula profului, tre' ca esti o fufa tare functionala, tu! daca meri in trening, pe tocuri, cu palarie si lanturi de aur, da, tot tu, tot o fufa ramai, si daca iti masori capacitatule intelectuale in functie de masina iubitului de weekend (ala cu cel mai multi bani, dar care e insurat si are 2.5 copii) imi pare rau sa te anunti ca esti o fufa penala, da penala rau, tu!
 tu esti viitoarea gagica a penalului descris anterior, viitoarea mama a copiilor lui si mai ales, vaca pe care o s-o futa ocazional, prost si in tacere de fiecare data cand echipa favorita o sa piarda si o sa se simta frustrat.
esti o blonda platinata care va ajunge la un maro de cacao cu miros de par ars cu placa, cu vreo 20 de kile mai grasa de frustrare si cu o satisfactie profesionala egala cu zero.
o sa mori nefericita pentru ca ti-ai ascultat parintii si te-ai orientat. ma intristezi
si ca sa ma-ntelegi, uite asta cred eu despre tine: esti o fufa, tu!
daca inca iti mai dai tu o sansa, renunta la cei 3 iubiti cu bani, cauta-ti prin cap ceva ce un tip decent ar putea sa iubeasca si fugi! te rog, fugi! de animal-print. am zis